Hi son,
I’m glad to answer such a crucial question as the one you’ve asked me. I commend you for asking it — it shows you don’t want to remain an eternal seeker.
You mentioned sensing in me a deep peace and contentment, while observing in many spiritual seekers a constant tension toward a goal, a relentless pursuit of something they feel is missing and always out of reach.
You wanted to know what happened that made me feel I no longer needed to seek or chase after anything.
I’ll share my experience with you by quoting teachings from masters I’ve often heard and that have guided my journey. One never knows which words might resonate and trigger an awakening.
I’ll start with one that was tirelessly repeated to me from the beginning of my quest: ”Everything you seek is already within you“.
Accepting this statement had the merit of turning my attention inward rather than outward. I’ll fast-forward to say that later, I understood that the external world is merely a projection of my inner world. As you’ve likely heard: ”We don’t see the world as it is, but as we are”; or ”There is one Earth, and eight billion worlds”; or ”No one lives in the world — each lives in their own world”. Finally, this one: ”Who looks outside dreams, who looks inside awakens“.
Yet, even after accepting this truth, two tendencies continue to coexist within us. The first pulls us toward the world of ”external” forms — our mental projections to which we remain attached. The second draws us toward an inner world we project and strive to reclaim.
Regarding the so-called ”external” world: In response to a question about why he was no longer affected by it, a master once answered: ”Because I’ve swallowed the world”. He meant he had stopped projecting the world outside himself. He gave the example of a piece of cake that grabs our attention while on the plate before us but ceases to concern us once it’s in our stomach.
Regarding our projection of an inner world we seek to reclaim: A master would often ask his disciples what mode of transportation they needed to reach inside themselves — a car? bus? train? boat? plane? In doing so, he tried to make them realize there’s no journey required to ”be” within themselves. The ego, that illusory personality, always wants something to do, a path to follow, a distant goal to achieve. Otherwise, it feels useless and must accept that it’s an unreal construct.
Another master advised his disciples to repeat: ”I have arrived, I am home”. He added, ”Even if you’re sitting on the toilet, repeat this”. He wanted them to remember they were already at their destination, that they were where they wanted to be, and that there was no separation between themselves and their goal.
Now, here’s a teaching that directly answers your question: ”The seeker never ends his search — he is ended by his search”. I love this phrase because it clearly states that the seeker is an impostor. In fact, my book has a chapter titled ”Unmasking the Impostor”. As long as this impostor isn’t exposed, it drags us into an endless pursuit.
A master once rightly said: ”All the seeker’s actions are attempts at avoidance”. He pretends to seek Truth but does everything to avoid it. He’s willing to make great efforts just to avoid letting go. That’s why we must keep an eye on him and stay vigilant. Every time he wants to ”do”, guide him to ”undo” and rest. This is why meditation — a moment of rest — can train the ego to cease its agitation. Meditation isn’t an action, much less an effort; it’s a state of rest where we do nothing. The breath flows on its own.
Gradually, we become spontaneously aware of its movement without trying to influence it, as in sleep. Thoughts arise — we don’t fight the disturbing ones; they pass. Some pleasant ones hold our attention for a while. Why not? There’s no harm in that. They project onto the surface of our consciousness like images on a screen. Images never stick to the screen, and the screen doesn’t retain them. A calm settles in, unprompted and unforced. The Presence within us — our source and true self — takes care of us if we trust it. The breath can guide, envelop, and carry us. What we seek is also seeking us.
We move effortlessly toward what we love — it’s a matter of attraction. We can’t pretend. If we love peace, we find it, provided we don’t try to create it. Peace is already within us; it doesn’t need to be manufactured. So are joy and love — they’re all aspects of our being.
We must avoid judging the thoughts, images, or feelings that arise in us. Concepts of good and evil, right or wrong, true or false keep us in duality and thus in separation, whereas peace lies in the sense of unity where everything integrates and has its place.
A precious aid in transcending mental duality and tasting this peace (because it truly has a flavor) is listening to those who experience it and speak of it simply. In India, this is called ”satsang” (company of Truth); in Christianity, ”communion of saints”; and in Islam, ”companionship“.
Through such listening, we combine the useful with the pleasant. Pleasant first, because we already feel peace — provided we don’t listen through the mind, which wants to learn formulas or accumulate spiritual knowledge, but with the heart, which lets itself be lulled by a story and nourished by the atmosphere created. Useful next, because this warm, attentive listening slowly but surely melts the ego’s icy shell exposed to it. The ego is made of rigid beliefs about ourselves and the world that block the free flow of life energy and create the sense of separation between ourselves and all that is. Heartfelt words dissolve them gradually.
The best mindset for this ”apparent” path is that of an enjoyer, not a seeker. Everything should be undertaken with pleasure — no self-violence, no pressure. The path, if we insist on seeing one, is the destination itself. We savor it all the more because we’re no longer tense with goal-seeking. This is the essence of the dedication I addressed to you and your brother at the beginning of my book.
When embarking on a spiritual quest, many aspire to what’s called realization, awakening, or enlightenment. Early in my introspection practice, this was a common theme. I once told a friend (over 40 years ago) that our practice would wear us out. He’s reminded me of it often since. Wear out what? — our efforts. Wear out whom? — the seeker and his seeking mind. All who speak of liberation today say no different. A master offered these two beautiful phrases: ”You can’t liberate the personality — you can be liberated from the personality” and ”You’re accused of existing, and you plead guilty”. Because for him, as for me, there’s only the One, the Infinite, the Formless, and the Indivisible. The apparent multiplicity in the world of forms is merely its reflection in matter.
In my parents’ bedroom, the wardrobe had three doors, one central with two panels. Each panel was lined with a large mirror. When I stood between them to see my head from all angles, I saw an infinity of myself to my left and right, reflected endlessly between the two mirrors. Until you experience it yourself, you can’t grasp how the only real Being can create endless unreal replicas of itself. This is exactly what the invisible Formless (called God) creates in the visible world of forms. There’s only one Presence whose existence is real, and it’s within us.
In the Quran, there’s this verse: ”We (God) are closer to man than his jugular vein”. And the mystic Hallaj declared, pointing to his chest: ”Beneath this robe, there is only God!”
The Divine isn’t just within us — we’re also within Him. Like a fetus that can’t see its mother because it’s in her womb, we can’t see the Formless that contains all forms, including ours. But we can feel His embrace, His protection, and all the feelings we love to experience, for He is their Source.
I’ll close with two sayings from Rûmi:
I searched for God and found only myself. I searched for myself and found only God — Rûmi
For a long time, like a madman, I knocked at Your door — until I realized I was knocking from the inside — Rûmi
And this one from Maharaji:
We must fall in love with the Invisible — Maharaji
Yes — because the Invisible dwells in all that is visible.