My dear W,
Y. tells me about your conversations and I can sense that you are both very good friends and confidantes to each other. It is something very precious to have someone before whom you can open your heart and say everything you want to say. The great psychoanalyst Carl Jung said that ”loneliness is not about not being surrounded by people but being unable to express what matters to us”. Congratulations to both of you for this beautiful friendship that life offers you.
I know that you are a woman full of qualities even though you think that, like all of us, you have dark sides. Don’t worry, light is born from darkness, just as day comes from night. The same Jung had said ”I would rather be whole than holy“.
You know W, the greatest harm we do to ourselves is wanting to amputate our shadow side. You know the symbol of the Tao (yin and yang), in which the two black and white parts are inseparable. They nourish each other and each carries a trace of the other. It is not a static symbol, but dynamic. The two parts are in perpetual movement, and they transform each into its opposite. You also know that jewels are found in dark mines, and what you believe to be a dark part of yourself contains gifts for you if you refrain from judging and repressing it.
You seek love like everyone else. And I had the opportunity to send you a few words on this subject. For me, there is no separation between divine love and human love because what loves in us is none other than God who is the source of love. And he loves in different ways according to the particular relationship we have with the people around us. Among these different types of love, there is romantic love between two beings who feel an affinity for each other.
You have already heard this saying that the Sufis repeat, according to which ”God was a hidden treasure and he loved to be known, so he created creatures so that they would know him”. It would therefore be him who loves himself through his different expressions. This is why we feel frustration when we cannot love, because the love in us wants to express itself. This is the reason why we have received a body.
You too are full of love, but it is held back, blocked. Given your excessively rational character, this love is subject to rigid rules that stifle it. You love, but your love passes through filters that make it lose its fluidity and spontaneity. Your reason transfers the seat of love from your heart to your head.
But don’t worry, nothing is a defect in itself. Everything is an opportunity. We are all called to do the work of an alchemist and transform heavy, crude and unpleasant emotions into light and pleasant emotions. Since you were kind enough to trust me and ask me for a practice to free this love in you, I propose an exercise that you can do permanently. Love is indivisible, it is something we feel within us independently of its external objects. And when you feel it in you, it spreads to everything around you. We tend to look for it in a particular person. This need is legitimate, but we can get closer to satisfying this need by distributing our love to everything.
This will transfer the seat of love from the head to the heart. No longer judge whether people or things deserve your love, give it because you will be giving it to yourself. You know that everything that constitutes your world is a reflection of yourself. By giving love without reserve and without condition, you allow love to circulate inside you, and you will be loving yourself. You often hear that you must love yourself. I tell you that if you keep the awareness that others are other parts of yourself, and that you give them love without counting and without reserve, you will be loving yourself in an easy way. And you will be sowing seeds in your own field that you will certainly harvest. I even advise you to actively seek what you don’t spontaneously love, to visualize yourself loving it and covering it with your love. What you don’t like in a person is an aspect of yourself that you repress and reject. Because everything is in us potentially. So you find it in front of you, because everything we reject, we attract.
This exercise will soften your heart and unlock the potential for love that is in you. You feel frustration in your relationship because your partner does not inspire love in you, even though you have gratitude for the comfort he offers you. And you are afraid of losing material advantages if you clearly express your feelings and refuse to pretend with him.
Don’t be afraid, you don’t need to give up anything. Our conditioning makes us believe that to get something you have to sacrifice something else. You are God’s beloved daughter, you are a princess, daughter of the king of the universe, and you have the right to have everything, both love and material comfort. Besides, love is the best comfort. Often, we seek material comfort because we don’t have love. Don’t let this opposition settle in your mind and create conflict. Love, when it is well directed toward the source, attracts all benefits, including material ones. If you see God behind everything, and he is behind everything, your life becomes easier. Through the man you dream of, it is Divine love that you seek. There is no separation between the two.
Opposites are never separated, and the feeling of love is in you otherwise you would not feel its lack. But it is imprisoned deep within you. Recognize its presence and begin to feel it. If you dream of a love story, which is legitimate and your strictest right, already feel what you hope to feel if you had already found this partner. Live this feeling because this partner, when he comes, will only awaken it, because it sleeps in you. You were created in the image of God. In you, as in him, there are both feminine and masculine poles. It doesn’t matter if you have a woman’s body or that of a man, in us there are both poles that coexist. So let the feminine energy that is in you unite with the masculine energy that is also in you. Allow God to love himself inside you and trust what can follow outside. Be ready, without fear, to welcome what Life will put on your path. In God’s eyes, the only sacred thing is love. He created us by love and for love. You received this body to live it. Accept no obstacle due to beliefs or convictions. Stay aware that whoever you love, you love God under his different expressions and it is he who loves through you. He is the source, the beginning and the end.
Regarding your partner, leave things as they are for now and be patient. True change always begins within. When you have made more and more room for love in you, fear will have less and less room. Because love and fear cannot coexist: when love is there, fear cannot be there, and when love is absent, fear replaces it. Our essence is love, and when we don’t feel it, we are afraid. The inner transformation that is taking place in you will inevitably bring about corresponding changes outside.