Dear L,
I begin by congratulating you on the diploma you just obtained. N. sent me the photos and you are both very beautiful.
You might wonder why I’m writing to you. You know that your mother and I communicate regularly, and she sometimes shares with me the concerns she has. One thing that deeply disturbs her is the conflicts that often arise between you and your stepmother. Since your mother loves you to be happy, these tensions trouble her profoundly.
I felt the need to write you a few words that I will of course send to N., who will judge whether it’s good to communicate them to you.
I know that in addition to your beauty, which is a great asset, you are an intelligent girl. This can be seen on your face. And you know that in terms of intelligence, there is what we call intellectual quotient and emotional quotient.
In life, some people don’t have great intellectual intelligence, but they have developed emotional intelligence that facilitates their contacts with others and allows them to advance without difficulty. We don’t live alone, and knowing how to communicate with others is essential for having a harmonious life in groups.
Human beings are very different, each is a world in himself. And they are all wounded from life’s journey. You know these childhood wounds that we carry into adulthood: rejection, abandonment, humiliation, betrayal, and injustice. We all carry them to varying degrees. Adults are children disguised in adult bodies, and it’s the wounded child in us that reacts and uses the adult’s energy to enter into conflict.
I take the liberty of drawing your attention to certain points that may not resonate with you immediately, but to which you can return if you wish. When a farmer sows seeds, he doesn’t expect them to grow immediately — they need time. I hope to sow seeds that will flourish in your life.
The famous psychoanalyst Carl Gustav Jung had said that ”what disturbs us about others has something to teach us about ourselves”. According to this idea, the world would be a mirror that reflects what we carry within us. This is why it has been said that ”we don’t see the world as it is, but as we are“.
You have heard of the law of attraction according to which all those who surround us, we have unconsciously attracted them and they are in our life to teach us something. There are no coincidences or errors in life — the world is governed by intelligent laws. But human beings, who necessarily hold different viewpoints, have different perceptions of reality. They enter into conflict because they don’t know how to put themselves in each other’s place.
There is a Chinese proverb that says: ”before judging your brother, you must spend a few months in his shoes”. In other words, put yourself in his place and you will understand that he is not acting in bad faith. Everyone does what they can with what life has made of them.
Dear L, I believe that in a few months you will travel to pursue your studies abroad. Some of the people you will meet may be quite different from you, and you may not have the possibility to distance yourself from them for several reasons. To communicate well with them, you will need to give preference to harmony rather than being right. If you succeed, you will be the winner.
Because if we have the courage and patience to go beyond the appearances that disturb us, there is always a gift waiting for us, outside and inside. Outside because we gain the person’s favor and friendship, and inside because our inner space becomes more vast and free. We will be in greater harmony with ourselves.
Your thoughts, your words, and your actions are all seeds that you sow in your own field, not that of others. So be careful what you sow because you will reap it. Sooner or later, life will return it to you with the same quality and intensity.
Each time you find yourself in a relationship or situation that disturbs you, ask yourself what this situation reflects from within you. And know that the way you look at things largely creates what you see with your eyes, according to this saying: ”If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change”. Always keep a positive and benevolent view of the world.
I wish you all the best.