Dear N,
External circumstances are only pretexts. Each of us must learn lessons in life. They are different for each of us. In your case, it’s an upheaval of a great number of your ideas.
In life, there are sometimes upheavals so profound that the interests of the person concerned shift toward another center.
All the people you consider today as responsible in a direct or indirect way for what you are going through are only actors on the stage of your existence.
Each plays the role that has been given to them. All are actors, not to say extras. But the True Actor is hidden behind, and it is He who wants to transform you because you need to be transformed.
Perhaps at this moment you tell yourself: I would have liked to remain as I am and avoid all that I feel and what I am going through because it is not at all pleasant. Yes, your situation is comparable to that of a person who has a decayed tooth that hurts, but who is afraid to have it extracted at the dentist. Yet the pain she feels at this moment will surely worsen if she doesn’t accept to undergo the pain that the extraction of the tooth will cause her.
Similarly, all the people toward whom you feel resentment at this moment, and who hurt you, these people are not acting on their own initiative.
They are executing the plan of the One who wants to transform you to free you from false ideas about people and life in general, and to allow you to have greater harmony with yourself.
And when I hear you tell me that it is too late now for you to change, I smile because I know that what you say goes against the laws of Life.
Life, my friend, continues to carry out its work at any age, and if you believe it is too late for you, you are mistaken. The little girl in you has no age, she lives outside of time and she remains a child. And this is what is most beautiful and true in us. And I know that she too wants to flourish and wants to be free because she is prisoner of N. the adult who has her pride, her self-esteem and her concern for propriety and ”what will people say“?
You have a great chance, yes! a great chance to have this opportunity to transform yourself. The Chinese ideogram (character) that means ”crisis” has two meanings: that of ”great danger”, and that of ”great opportunity”. It is up to you to choose between the danger of suffering foolishly and becoming bitter, full of bitterness, resentment and hatred toward this or that person, or to remain conscious that the Great Inner Doctor is making you drink a potion, certainly bitter, but which has the necessary virtues to heal you, renew you and make you be reborn.
A birth is never easy either for the mother or for the fetus. Even if you believe yourself an adult person, in the eyes of Life you will always be a child of God. So banish from your heart the feelings of hatred and resentment, and abandon this idea of power struggle with your entourage.
My experience has shown me that power struggles, even if they serve you for a certain time, always turn against you at one moment or another.
Forgiveness is stronger than hatred. In Life there is the law of the just return of things: everything we think, everything we say and everything we do returns sooner or later to us like a boomerang we throw in the air.
So be an intelligent and wise investor, don’t invest in negative values, but in those that can bring you ”a good return on investment“.
I know that there are folds we have taken and that are difficult to correct, and that when we have gotten into the habit of judging and criticizing, we have difficulty doing without it.
But each time you feel the need to judge or to feel any other negative emotion, drop it Nada, simply drop it. And you will not be a loser, because the real fight is inside of you. That’s where are hidden your true enemies, and that’s where your victory will have a meaning.
In your life, people will come and go, but you will always be in your own company, and you have to be in peace with yourself, not always bothered by the false friends which are the negative emotions. They give you first the illusion to provide you with some satisfaction (because each negative emotion is the reverse side of a positive one and gives somehow the feeling that you are experiencing the same intensity of its opposite). But after a while you realize that it has poured some more poison in your spirit, not mentioning that by so doing you have planted a bad seed which will grow up on your path and make you stumble and fall.
These are everlasting laws. Don’t take my words lightly. You know that satisfaction is not in outward things, but in the harmony you can achieve within yourself. And your heart wants that harmony; don’t keep feeding it with the indigestible food of negative emotions. And what you are going through right now is meant to draw your attention to where are your enemies, which is inside of you. Don’t let bad habits that originate from ignorance mislead you on that point and make you lose the profit of the trials you are going through right now. The true enemies are in you, inside each one of us; that’s where the big war has to be fought against negative thoughts and emotions. Get rid slowly but surely of them all, and you will be renewed. You want to make commitments and take decisions? Let that be your first commitment.