Dear Y,
The feeling of guilt knocks on everyone’s door — not just yours. It’s true that for some, it strikes more fiercely than for others. Its roots stretch back to our childhood, formed in moments when we feared displeasing those we depended on — our parents, first and foremost. That fear of disappointing them was tied to a very real survival instinct. Why? Because as children, we couldn’t fend for ourselves; our survival relied on the acceptance and love of the adults tasked with caring for us.
Like other unpleasant emotions we experience in the present, the true causes of these feelings lie buried in our past. They aren’t direct reactions to current situations, though those situations may trigger them, making us mistake the trigger for the cause. Here are a few ways to release this burdensome feeling:
- For the Believer: Remember God Is Love
God created us out of love. We are His children. As a mother, no matter what your child does, your heart will always hold compassion for them — you can’t help but forgive. Isn’t that so? The sun doesn’t judge; it shines on the ”good” and the ”wicked” alike. Don’t you think the Creator of that sun — who is love — holds at least as much compassion as the sun He created?
You know the distinction between God’s names Ar-Rahman and Ar-Rahim. Ar-Rahman allows for the possibility of reward or punishment, but Ar-Rahim is pure mercy. That’s why Rahim always follows Rahman — to confirm God’s decree: ”Katabnā ‘alā anfusinā al-raḥma” (”We have bound Ourselves to mercy”).
The idea of punishment was introduced by humans to instill fear. But God, who is love, doesn’t want His children to worship Him out of fear — only love. Just as you’d rather inspire love in your children, not fear. A fear — based relationship with God reduces Him to a strict schoolmaster whose punishments we dread, when He Himself said: ”Rahmatī wasi‘at kulla shay’” (”My mercy embraces all things”).
- For Believers and Non-Believers Alike: Recognize the Illusion of Control
We unconsciously attract behaviors from others that resonate with our own fears. This happens at an energetic level. Every interaction requires a sender and a receiver — if there’s no receiver, the sender’s signal goes nowhere. Right now, you’re surrounded by countless waves: radio, TV, internet. But without a receiver tuned to them, they remain silent.
Moreover, a deeper understanding of existence reveals that free will isn’t as solid as we assume. Our choices and actions stem from unconscious conditioning and an endless chain of cause and effect. We cling to the illusion that we decide freely. The masters of India know this well, often repeating: ”You are not the doer”. By ”you”, they mean the limited personality. It’s the Divine within that acts through us — as echoed in the Arabic phrase: ”Lord, I will, and You will, and only happens what You will“!
Finally, we sometimes say or do things we regret immediately. But who knows? Perhaps what we said was what the other needed to hear, or what we did was necessary for their awakening. What wounds the ego might bless the soul and its liberation.
The key is to act with full awareness and do your best.